Funding Your Lifestyle

This is the next installment on using your power to identify, claim and fund the life you were meant to have. If you are new and have not yet read Money or Power, you may want to go back and do the exercises before moving forward. If you have read Money or Power, you should now have a clearer picture of what you actually need to be happy and healthy. Also, if you are anything like me, you probably found that you have far more than you need to be happy. In addition, you are probably beginning to think about what you should do with all the stuff you have decided is not crucial in life. If so, I have included a few suggestions at the end of this blog post to help.

We all have basic needs that include food, shelter and clothing. These needs are what we have in common with every living creature in this world. We also have responsibilities. Some of us have minor children or elderly parents that need our care, attention and resources. We have financial obligations that come with being a contributing member of society, family and community.  In other words, living in the world as an adult includes taking care of our own basic needs and responsibilities to the best of our capability. This means that a personal approach to identifying and claiming a new life will be tweaked according to what each individual needs to do to care for basic needs and responsibilities. There is no cookie cutter approach for success. Consequently, the Living PowerLife approach to funding the life we are meant to have is not an invitation to ignore obligations or to become (or continue to be) a freeloader. Indeed, this is an invitation to use our power to make future decisions that will lead to living a new way with new opportunities. 

While taking care of basics and responsibilities, we all can become bogged down or even trapped in a certain mind set. This frame of mind leads to a certain kind of behavior. To understand the mindset, I imagine a treadmill. On this treadmill we run to catch a prize that changes unexpectedly and is always just out of reach. We constantly work to get more money so that we can buy the latest and the best gadgets. We continuously compare what we have and how we look to images in magazines, the next door neighbor, a colleague, a friend… We do not sleep well at night because thoughts about how to buy or make the next payment for the latest social upgrade possession distract us from relaxing and finding peace.

If any of this feels familiar, more than likely you are on the Keep up with the Jones’ Treadmill with the rest of us. Roads to Jones’ Treadmill are plentiful but the main access is through living beyond our means. Living beyond our means most often occurs because we believe we deserve the same life that we think our neighbors are living rather than the one our budgets can support. Advertising executives depend on our adherence to this belief to get us into stores. Bankers bet on this belief to get us in debt. Marketing professionals use this belief to create a desire for often useless gadgets. Remember the Ginsu Knives?

While on Jones’ Treadmill, the life, joy and opportunities each day has to offer is overshadowed by envy, greed, anxiety or lust. We look around and instead of seeing the beauty of nature, the diversity of humanity or magnificence of architecture we see what others have or are wearing. We envy those who appear to have more than we do. We lust after the current ‘must have’ designer label and greedily accumulate more. More shoes, more suits, more designer bags... We become anxious when faced with the possibility of not being able to get More. 

Here is a small real-life example of what happens when we are invested in Jones’ Treadmill: A few days ago, while riding the subway, I noticed a young person who was talking on the phone with someone about not being able to access a social media account. As I watched, this person became more and more agitated because the account was not allowing access. The person was dressed in the latest designer clothing and had the most up to date phone.

As the subway trip continued and the person tried different approaches to resolve the technical problem, tears started to flow. The person was clearly anxious and sad. I do not know what else was going on in this person’s life, but at that time, the day was sunny. The weather was nice. There were people all around laughing and talking and the person with the social media problem was oblivious to this all. The world was, literally, passing by unnoticed because of a glitch in a technical gadget.

While we may not be reduced to tears because we cannot access our social media account, just how invested we are in Jones’ Treadmill is revealed when we take inventory and make need assessments of our belongings. If, for instance, we have 10 pairs of black shoes collecting dust in the back of our closets and they are very similar or almost identical this means that we are buying into the belief that we should have what we see on others. This is indicative of the fact that we are running Jones’ Treadmill. Likewise, if our second bedroom closet is full of clothes that we have not worn for at least 1 year, say hello to Jones’ Treadmill.

Realizing that most of the items in your inventory will not bring you happiness, is the first step off the treadmill.  The first step is always the most difficult step to take. Because of this, I encourage you to be patient with yourself. Reading this blog and following the steps means that you are now moving in the direction that will lead to your powerful lifestyle which is the most import thing to remember. As you remember to go easy on yourself, we will now begin one of the most crucial stages of this process; developing the plan that will bring the changes you want and need. In Living PowerLife style, I will use my experience as an example:

I am a person who likes to dress well, go out with friends on occasion, spend time with my family, and have dependable transportation.  Among other things, I enjoy reading, music, a good single malt and premium cigars. I also do not have an unlimited supply of money. In fact, many would say that my money is tight. For many years, I agreed. I believed that I never had enough money to do what I thought I wanted to do. My mantra was: when I get this raise, degree, job… I will then have enough money to… The more money I made, the more money I spent. The more I spent, the more I felt I needed to earn. The people I attracted had the same values and same expectations which meant that the moment I was not earning more their interest in me was gone. 

I sprinted on Jones’ Treadmill for many years. For most of those years, I did not sleep well and was not happy. I used food and alcohol to fill an unidentified void; the void that comes when we chase after shadows. I missed some of the most important events in my loved ones’ lives because I had to work. Sound familiar? The alternative to the treadmill lifestyle is to plan. Yes, plan. Plan fun, plan work, plan emergencies, plan shopping, plan meals… Plan. 

Just like you found out that you actually need far less to be really happy, with Living PowerLife and planning you will see that funding a new life is not as difficult as you imagine. Your plan will have about 6 different parts:

Part one: Connect.  Connect and stay in touch with your inner guidance through daily private meditation. When I meditate, I spend some of my time envisioning my connection to the Universe and to God. The Universe responds to the energy that I put out and God is beyond anything that I can imagine, including religious institutions. With these two connections firmly in place and consistently attended to, there is no limit to what I can accomplish. If you are not someone who believes in God, that is fine. Stick with the Universe and remember to keep a grateful spirit; be grateful for what you have and build from there.

Part two: Ignore. Ignore anyone who tries to redirect your attention to something negative. Ignore anyone who expresses thoughts and feelings that undermine your plan. This includes your own thoughts. Here is a silly real-life example: One day while I was walking to the subway stop and enjoying a beautiful spring day, I noticed a woman walking toward me. As she came closer to me I smiled and nodded hello. Instead of responding in kind, she pointed down to the sidewalk and said, Look. Look there. I did, and there was a dead rat off to the side in the grass. Yeah, disgusting. I would not have noticed the rat were it not for the fact that I allowed my attention to be redirected.

Part three: Envision. Envision what you are working toward. Take a short time during your meditation to envision every aspect of your goal. What does it look like? How does it feel? Why is it important? Keep your language in the present rather than future. While you are envisioning, be general. You can limit the Universe if you become too fixated on minute details.  A simple example: you decide that you want to enjoy the best meal you have ever had. You envision your favorite food cooked perfectly. Then you proceed to include a particular restaurant, in a certain city, on a predetermined street, with a certain person, dressed a certain way... Get my point? These details could undermine your work because you are not open to possibilities that you may not know about. In one of those unknown possibilities could be the experience you are seeking.

Part four: Know. Know in your heart without anyone having to tell you that what you are envisioning belongs to you. Your job is to stay focused, connected, flexible and to act. In addition, Living PowerLife and your plan require patience and consistency on your part. Be patient and understand that you are living on the Universe’s clock. Be consistent in doing what you need to do to be successful. In other words, this is not an invitation to sit, look at your navel and wait for things to appear. You have to do your part and that requires action.

Part five: Itemize. Those of you who have been following my blog over the years know that I am one to make a list. The habit of list making is crucial to success when visualizing, prioritizing and working toward goals. At this point, you should be ready to work with several ongoing lists. For example, I have about 6 lists that I am now working with to live my new life. Some lists I refer to daily, some monthly and others annually. Some are based on the season and some are based on particular occasions. Be flexible with your lists and do not hesitate to update when the need arises. With your lists include resources when you can. For instance, when I decided to add dancing shoes to my list, I also included places where I could buy second hand and discount shoes.

Part six: Relax. Relax and be patient. Be patient with yourself and with the Universe. Remember, this is a lifestyle which means life-long. Consequently, when things do not fall into place immediately do not give up. Understand that there is a reason for what you experience as a delay and do not try to force the Universe or the process. Several times I have realized that what (or who) I thought I wanted was actually something that would bring more trouble into my life. 

While not getting what I wanted was disappointing in the short-run, with time I was glad that things did not work out the way I wanted. This reinforced my belief that I am never alone even at my loneliest moment. The same is true for you.

From my PowerLife to yours,

Elandus

Link to relevant blog post
Learning to PowerLife: Mental Attitude

Recycling your belonging can help to bring new energy into your life and create room for the new. Check in your area for places to donate to homeless shelters or second hand stores. Some areas also have Internet lists that enable people to give items away or make exchanges. When donating, make sure you get a receipt for your tax purposes. If you want to make a little extra money, there is always craigslist, ebay and amazon available to you to sell your unneeded items.

Power Well Spent

November 2013 will be remembered in the context of three relationships. Each represents a place in time and a particular aspect of my life. The business relationship represents the past and ended in disappointment. One social relationship represents the present and continued, for a while, with inspiration. Finally, a personal relationship representing the future brought encouragement. Responding to society’s gender-based restrictions was the thread that connected the three relationships. Choices about the manner in which we treat one another were the framework for understanding how power can be used to either isolate or encourage.

My disappointing and inspirational relationships developed while I was having ongoing conversations with an insightful young person about gender. For several months, we shared our thoughts about what it meant to be female, a girl, a woman, male, a boy, a man. I was impressed by the young person’s courage in challenging society’s gender based restrictions. In time, I grew to admire this young person’s clear understanding of the differences between a biological fact, male/female, and a social category, girl/boy.
 
Long after each of our talks, my thoughts would wander. I remembered times when, as a young female, I found the social categories of ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ stifling. I thought about how isolated I felt during those years.Then, I recalled times when I first decided to reject some of society’s gender based restrictions. I thought about how powerful acting on my decision felt. While we were talking and I was remembering, two other relationships of mine continued separately along their paths.
 
For about a year, I had been frequenting a particular barbershop that was owned and run by siblings who happened to be female. Supporting female owned businesses was, and is, important to me, so I felt good about using their service. Through the months, one sister cut my hair--a simple barbershop cut--each time. Since they both operated on a walk-in schedule, I assumed that timing and place in line were the reasons why I always had the same barber. I was wrong and when I decided to get a cut on a day when my usual barber was off, I learned how wrong I had been.

This particular day, I noticed that there were not many customers in the shop, which was why I decided to go in. I also noticed that only one barber was working. Just as I said hello and started to remove my coat, the barber told me something I already knew--the woman who usually cut my hair was off.
 
I said in response, ''That’s okay. I’ve seen your work and don’t mind if you cut my hair.''
 
This is when the barber said something that my brain simply could not process at first, ''I don’t cut women’s hair.''
 
I stood in the middle of their little old-school barbershop speechless. I felt as though I had been thrown back to the 1950’s or earlier. Several seconds passed before I could finally ask, ''What does that mean?''

She responded by saying, ''I don’t do all that stuff that women want. I don’t cut women’s hair. My sister does all that stuff. I only cut men and children.'' Then, as an afterthought she added, ''Boys.''
 
At this point, I thought that maybe she did not remember me. I reminded her that I had been coming there for months and I always got a simple cut. No shampoo. No blow-dry.
 
She just shook her head and continued her mantra, ''I don’t cut women’s hair.''

She said this all while focusing on her customer at the time who looked like a man and had shoulder length hair. 

Once I finally realized that this barber was not going to cut my hair for the sole reason that I was female, I walked out. I left there feeling disappointed with myself and the barber. I was disappointed with myself for not realizing that, while my goal was to empower female owned businesses in my small way, I was actually supporting a business that discriminated against us, against me.
 
While processing this failed business relationship, I found inspiration in one of my social relationships. For about a year, I was a member of a small community chorus. This chorus was made up of all female singers. They had an annual cabaret fundraiser and this year I decided to audition. I was auditioning for what would be my first solo performance. 

My audition was not completely embarrassing, I did not run screaming from the room, but it was pretty bad. I forgot the lyrics, could not find the right key, and was obviously nervous. I was nervous because standing alone on a stage and singing in front of an audience was something that I had always wished I could do. I was nervous because singing a solo was something that I believed I would never do.

My first audition for the cabaret was not good but I was given feedback and a second audition. The second time was better. However, the feedback this time was, “still rough around the edges.” This is when another chorus member offered a few hours of coaching. The result was that I did something I thought was beyond my reach. My performance was not perfect but the support that I experienced helped me find my singing voice and use my power to share with others how a song made me feel.
 
Making decisions and responding to society’s gender based restrictions are what these two relationships had in common. The barber empowered herself by providing a service that people were willing to buy. At the same time though, she used her personal power to make decisions that upheld society’s gender based restrictions. Her decisions were revealed by the way she responded to females when they came to buy her service. 

The chorus members empowered themselves by creating an exclusively female group of singers. At the same time, individual chorus members used their power to make decisions that challenged gender based restrictions. When examined together, we can begin to understand the barber and the chorus as contrasting examples for the fact that we constantly make choices about how to use our power and those choices affect others.
 
The barber had the power to either treat everyone equally or not. She chose to discriminate. She had the power to provide a service to everyone with respect and courtesy. She chose to withhold this from females. In so doing, the barber supported misogyny. With her actions, she illustrated that she encountered the world through fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being caught stepping outside one of society’s boxes. She is an example of what can happen when we blindly conform to what society portrays as normal. Oppressive communities are the legacy of people this barber represents.
 
The chorus is an example for one way to challenge society’s gender expectations through their decision to be exclusively female. In addition, the members had the power to either dismiss or inspire a fellow female and each chose to inspire. Each chose to hear my auditions and to give the support that resulted in my success. In doing this, misogyny was disallowed. The chorus is an example of what can happen when we question the validity of social categories and reject those generated from misogyny or bigotry. 

Indeed, like the young person representing our future, the chorus illustrated how to use power to engender change. Because of the support I received, I was inspired to attempt something I believed was beyond my reach; in the process, I was changed. Communities built on acceptance, empowerment, and inclusion are the legacy of people the chorus and this young person represent.
 
We all have power in every circumstance and with each interaction. We can choose to use our power to either answer the global call for equality or we can continue to support oppression. We can choose to disallow bigotry at every opportunity or to uphold the establishments that were built on the hierarchy of dominance. We can use our power to become living examples for our children and teach what can happen in communities where personal freedom is respected. We can become communities where individuals work together in equality, empathy, and empowerment. 

In other words, we have the power to demonstrate how to either play nicely or kick sand. We can see each other as colleagues who build beautiful castles for all to enjoy, or we can be rivals who kick sand in each other’s eyes on the way to being crowned king of a hill.

May you have a healthy, peaceful, loving and powerful 2014.

From My PowerLife to Yours, 

Elandus

End of Summer Thoughts: 2013

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Before starting this post, I decided to read what I wrote this time last year. I knew that I had made progress in the direction that I want to go, but was curious about my expectations back then. I wanted to compare where I was then, where I expected to be in the future to where I am now. I noticed several things:

• First, last year this time I was writing in trio; physical, spiritual, and mental.
• Second, I was ending the cycle of counting pounds, fixating on food and feeling anxious about my size.
• Third, I was just beginning to become less distracted by people around me and more able to focus on myself. 
• Fourth, I finally came to terms with the fact that I would never be accepted by organized religion. 
• Fifth, I was just beginning to see how much energy and time I had wasted trying to change the fourth fact. 
• Sixth, almost as an aside, I mentioned that I wanted a bigger bank account. 

That was end of summer, 2012 in summary.

Now, fast forward to end of summer 2013 and let’s see what stuck and what didn’t. 

• First, I still meditate every day, sometimes more. 
• Second, I am smaller in size than last year and still do not worry about calories. 
• Third, organized religion is something that very seldom even crosses my mind. 
• Fourth, I have a strong connection to my God and see the work of the Universe every day of my life. 
• Fifth, I notice people but find that they no longer distract me from my focus. 
• Sixth, my bank account is, in fact, larger today than it was this time last year. 

All in all, from this time last year to now, I have made definite progress in the direction that I want to go.

My expectations for moving forward into the fall and the end of this year can be summed up with the word bright. Starting with the fact that my sojourn in the fires of bad break ups hell seems to be over, I expect negativity to continue to become a thing of the past. This means that it is far easier for me to see the positive in a situation and far less of a struggle to keep from traveling down Woe is Me Road when things don’t go as planned. 

I have laid out a detailed plan that includes month to month goals and the means to obtain them. So far this discipline has resulted in me obtaining my MA license to sell health and life insurance. I have identified places to buy business suits and a good tailor to do my alterations. I’m still dating and comfortable with being solo. Oh, while on the subject, I had my first experience of applying the Living PowerLife approach to dating while deciding whether to continue to date a particular person. Far less drama. 

As I continue along my path, I hope to meet more positive people and perhaps find a special person of my own. Until that happens, though, I will follow the Living PowerLife approach to happiness, health and well-being because I'm living proof that it works.

From my PowerLife to yours,

                    2013

Elandus

2012. All rights Reserved.

Money or Power

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If I had a dime for every time that I heard someone say money is power, I could sing Rollin’ in the Green. For that matter, if I had a nickel for every time that I did not question the statement, I could have my own island. 

We have been taught by society to connect monetary wealth with power, intelligence, and happiness. We have been groomed by advertisers to connect owning the latest gadgets with living carefree, exciting, and sexy lives. Because of this, we look to the latest high paid celebrity, athlete, or business person for their insight on how to make money, gain possessions, and find happiness. We do this while neglecting the development of our inner stability, which puts us at the mercy of institutions, organizations, and groups. 

In addition, we often do not recognize the choices that we have and this makes us feel helpless without the acceptance of others. Day after day we reject logic and avoid claiming the power that we have in every situation. Year after year we study others and try to recreate what has worked for them in our own lives. Then, we wonder why following this year’s expert did not free us of our financial quagmire or feelings of helplessness yet again. I call this the ‘Money Madness’ cycle. Money and the promise to own more possessions direct our decisions. Madness is doing the same thing, looking exclusively outside ourselves for answers, while expecting different results.

Several years ago when I lost just about every possession that I owned, the experience was both the worst and best in my life. In a matter of a few months the worst happened; I went from living comfortably, surrounded by the things that I had spent my life collecting to being one step away from homelessness. With adversity, though, comes growth which brings me to the best. 

The benefits of losing everything became clear as I accepted what happened and used my power to identify and incorporate the personal lessons my experience contained. In return, I gained insight and freedom which are the foundation for building a better life. My insight begins with the obvious which is money and possessions do not…
• Provide breath
• Bring physical and mental health
• Lead to true love
• Determine the value of a human being
• Give lasting peace
• Produce wisdom
Conversely, the lack of money and possessions will not stop us from living. Losing them will not suddenly make us ignorant, unloved, or unworthy. Understanding this gave me freedom. I was freed from being attached to money and possessions. 

Money is paper and should be a means rather than end. For instance, the more paper we have, the more choices available. These are choices that will impact us in either positive or negative ways. Having more of them will not ensure that we will always make the right choice in every situation. At the same time, having more choices does provide more options for solving problems or reaching goals.

Another example is the more paper we have the more possessions we can accumulate. Possessions are a collection of perishable items to which we can become attached. The more attached we are to these items, the more invested we are in maintaining the status quo. Or, the more things we own, the stronger we fight against change.
 
We use our power to attribute psychological and emotional value to money and the things money can buy. We give them importance when we connect them to what we think is crucial for our happiness and stability. This means that we use our power to define for ourselves what success and love mean. Then, we make decisions about when and how to take action towards obtaining what we want. There are two avenues we can take to identify and pursue goals. One keeps us firmly on the ‘Money Madness’ treadmill and the other leads to internal stability.

With ‘Money Madness’ we squander our power in endless efforts to gain more money and things for the sake of having them. The alternative is to use our power to make the best decisions from the choices that we have. How much money we have only determines the number of choices rather than their quality. With this in mind, we can make the conscious choice to follow the avenue that leads us to develop practical applications for living a life where money is the way to increase choice and power is the way to recognize the choice that will bring the most positive outcome.

First, though, we must take the steps to become free of the attachment to money and possessions. Only then will we be able to develop a new relationship with both. Start by looking where you live and taking in the things that are yours. Take each item individually and think about how important it is to you. What do you imagine would happen if you suddenly did not have the item? Then consider the reasons why you imagine what you do. Start with the large things first, such as your home, car, stereo, or television. Include your means of earning a living. Then work down to the smaller things. Go through every room in your home and for each item ask:
• How do I feel when I look at/think about…?
• What memories are connected to…?
• Are any people who are important to me connected to…?
• What would it feel like not to have…?

As you go from room to room, try to determine if you have accumulated items that no longer have importance or relevance in your life. Include your clothes, books, music. The goal is to feel, as much as you can, the emotions that would come if you lost most of your money and possessions. These emotions are important because they will help you become free of the belief that you absolutely must have particular items in your life. Your freedom will be the base from which you start to build a new way of deciding what is important to you and then planning your steps to success.

From my PowerLife to yours,

Elandus

Related Links: Living PowerLife: Mental Attitude 
End of Summer Thoughts 2012

2012. All rights reserved.